Can't participate for lack of experience

Being in my thirties also mean the bulk of my friends are in their thirties. Thirties is a decade when folks settle down and have children. Just the last couple of years, all but a handful few of my friends have gotten married. I have three weddings to participate in this year, and this afternoon I got a call from an old friend who gave me news of the birth of his son. I was surprised and happy but could only manage a "Congrats!". I didn't know what else to say and we ended to conversation a little awkwardly.

This got me thinking about my reaction. Was my lack of joyous participation due to the fact that I was envious of their situations? Or was there some thing more behind my apathy? I first addressed any jealousy I could possibly be feeling. In reality, if they're my friends (I don't have many I consider real friends), I couldn't ever be jealous of them. Sure, acquaintances, yes. Especially those I think completely unworthy (not that they are, but I just feel that way. Bad of me. But anyway.). But with my friends, that's not the sensation I get when I hear the good news. If anything, the only thought that goes through my head is "Darn, she's not going to be able to be there for me if I catch sight of a monstrous cockroach flying about my apartment". Haha. So why my lack of enthusiasm on hearing the news?

I blame it on the lack of experience. I remember when I was 24 and it was new year's eve. My girlfriend got proposed to at the party and all of us didn't know how to react. I mean, it wasn't unexpected but she was the first and I think the poor girl didn't understand why we weren't jumping for joy the way she was doing. Over the years, as each girl got engaged, the enthusiasm increased. I noticed that the most recent one was fuelled by all those married girls. She was joining their ranks and they were welcoming them into the party. It is the same for baby announcements. No one knew how to respond to the birth of the first child amongst our group, but as the ranks swelled, the kids parties got larger and it became the norm versus some thing novel.

I am so very happy for my dear friends who have settled down and started families. While I have the sweetest niece and a loving nephew, it cannot substitute the experience of truly living with a man and having your own children. I am beginning to feel afraid that my lack of experience means that I am no longer on the same wavelength as my friends. And, it's starting to show. Can I do anything about it? I will do all I can to participate (save wearing a saree for a friend's wedding) and be supportive. I hope that my lack of perspective will be overlooked or forgiven. Am I upset by this change of situations? No, not really. I have made peace with who I am. Everything happens for a reason and at the right timing. If my friendships become distant for this moment because our lives aren't in sync, so be it. Life can be short or long, an uphill battle or a speedy cruise. I will savour each moment and move on. C'est la vie!