Perhaps it was a mistake on my part and I let my emotions get the better of me. I wanted to see where my immediate feelings would lead me to. I had no idea what would happen, I had only wanted to explore the sensations that were coursing through my skin, my brain and... my heart.
I didn't believe in posturing then. I still don't. It's not my nature to play games or strategize. What you see is what you get. No one else. I cannot begin to fathom why the world prefers to hide beneath layers of forgeries, of fake emotions, while shunning all that is real. The pain cuts deep.
So here I am, embarking on 2010's vacation. I have the cutest fedora to wear with my sundresses on this Baltic Sea cruise. I'm going back to Europe where I've always felt at home. The feeling of going home is comforting. But beyond comfort, I'm strangely hopeful. At the pit of my gut, I feel this trip marks a new beginning. A new beginning of acceptance...
I promise, this will be the last I write about the disappointments of the past year. I've had enough looking back. Onward, I say. The air reeks of promise.
2 comments:
Looking for new beginnings is a human past time. For some it might seem like a good one. But you are, after all, the sum of your past; good and bad. Pain is sometimes the price you pay for being honest. In this I share your commitment. For others the very possibility of pain or rejection is just too much to bare, and the facades fly up. One for this friend, one for that one, one for work and one for nights out. Way too much work to my way of thinking.
Enjoy your vacation, but remember; it's an evolution you are looking for, not a beginning. A new way to look at and build on what you are.
Be Well.
I like your blog, it's great :)
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