Every time I take you out for a spin, I realize how much I've missed you

I'm such a bloke....

Hijacked the 3 series today and floored it on the expressway... There is something about sitting so close to the road with the trees and buildings whistling past, listening to the inline 6 cylinder engine growling away....

I've missed you....

A distant memory

I don't know if I should be writing this at all. It is a long forgotten story and not entirely mine to tell. But I was jolted by this memory today, this teenage memory...

I had befriended this girl in secondary school. I think I first initially did so because I felt sorry for her. She was shy, difficult to understand and not popular at all. As I got to know her better, I realized that there was a good, honest person hidden in there who was so lacking in love from anyone. She does not know her biological parents and was adopted by an older lady who had grandiose ideas of being in high society. When her mom found out about my family background, she was forced to insist that my family invite them for dinners and events. I will give my mom kudos for how she handled everything in graciousness and compassion. I remember the incident when her mom confronted my mom, and how my friend thought everything would fall to pieces. It didn't. I told her that nothing will change my mind about who she is, because she has always been true to me, and we had to be brave in the face of adversity. I was steadfast in our friendship, until the immense seas parted us.

I have not seen her since I was 17. We recently connected on facebook, and as I was lamenting about whether my life bears positive testimony, if I have done good for others, she wrote me the sweetest message.

You certainly touched my life in ways that you couldn't even begin to imagine... and have definitely impacted who I have become today. I, for one, celebrate the beautiful heart and soul you have and know that I would have be that much poorer if you had not been a part of my life.

I had actually forgotten what our friendship was like. She is right. I never thought that I had any bearing on her life. I did what I could and thought was right at that point in time. And, it appears that it had touch her. Now, it's her turn to touch me, to help me through my life. It gladdens me to know that how I've lived hasn't been for nothing, that it hasn't been wrong. For that, I am eternally grateful.

On this ride called life

Through the parties in London, cruising about town to catch glimpses of boys, waiting around the corner to see Brad Pitt and whatever star who happened to live near us... and those brunches at Pastis, the pre-dinner martinis at Times Square, or simply walking around with a coffee and cig, it has been one hell of a ride together.

Life always throws up its lemons, but without you, it wouldn't have been as interesting. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with me, and to remind me again last night that even as grown-ups our escapades will keep us. You and me babe, always.

Epic conversations

I've been very spoilt this week. Just as I thought that it would be yet another quiet week as friends and family take advantage of the wonderful Spring weather to travel, I got hauled on two dates.

Both dates were unexpected, and possibly a reason why they were so delicious. But more importantly, what struck me was the ease in which I conversed with my respective dates. Perhaps because I wasn't expecting these dates, and didn't have time to speculate what they meant and participate in the build-up of anticipation, I was able to enjoy them in an honest manner. We had epic conversations lasting between seven to nine hours. The time sped past and I was barely aware how long I had been in their company. No subject was taboo. We touched upon Mayan prophesies and solar storms, as well as more intimate exchange of opinions on topics such as emotional cheating.

As I casually mentioned these dates to my best friend today she held my hand and said

These dialogues are to be treasured! No one has the kind of time these days to indulge in such long conversations... Look, we can barely hold each other's attention past two hours, after which, we're just happily silent... Cherish this...

She is right, you know. I haven't had such a satisfying time talking. Not ever. Both men are able to put me at ease and allow me to be myself as I babble and chatter away, debating, discussing and ultimately sharing a bit of ourselves with one another.

It has been a very good week indeed. Only problem is, I now crave for more of it.

Only when it hits home

This year's President's Challenge beneficiaries include several charities and organizations that take care and assist those who are intellectually disabled and with special needs. As the annual star charity fund raising will be held in a week's time, I have caught several television info-slots and programs that reach out asking for assistance and understanding.

I have never paid much attention to these events. They have been held for several years, but I have conveniently let it slide away from my consciousness. For the past couple of weeks, as I watched these programs, I am reminded that these disabilities suffered by those with special needs are lifelong. These disabilities will continue past maturity where they will be compounded by old age. As I see scenes of these older folks coping through the difficulties and at times doing so while smiling, I feel very humbled. What we take for granted in our day to day life are often obstacles for them. Yet, they are able to get through each day. Some times they do it with more grace than I do.

So why am I more mindful of their plight this year? I am no saint and I admit that it is due to this little bundle of joy that is my nephew. He turned one in August, and he has Down's syndrome. As I hold on to him, I'm aware of how seemingly small he is. He is much smaller than babies his age and is hard of hearing. When he gets a little older and bigger and stronger, he'll undergo a procedure(s) to sort out the various health issues he has. I will not equate his plight to that of those I have seen or read recently in the run up to the star charity event. However, I will say that I am in a better place to empathize. I know my family and I are very lucky in having the finances to be in the position to ensure that his medical needs are attended to. We're very lucky to be able to learn how to assist him. And, most of all, we're lucky to have the sweet kid smile and laugh and stick out his arms for a hug each time we're near him.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

There have been some events this week that have put the biggest grin on my face. The best part is, there will also be some events coming along at the end of the week that will make me smile and giggle in delight too!

This is turning out to be an awesome week. Will I divulge what's making me stay up late with all this gleeful energy? I can't get myself to bed right now cause I'm just filled to the brim with excitement! Oooooh-laaa-la. Hmm, I think I will keep this bit of excitement to myself right now. Tee hee hee.....

And, the good news is.....

Well, the results are out. I have degenerative spinal disc disease.

After hmm-ing and ahh-ing at my MRI pics and magnifying certain areas, doc turned to me beaming and said "The good news is that you don't need surgery!" I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, he pulled out my MRI pics again, and pointed to the lowest spinal disc. "See that disc has lost some of its filling and is a lot flatter than the other discs" doc said while pointing to the row of discs pictured next to my spine. I could see that it wasn't only flatter, it was black! Of course I had to ask why it was black. Apparently when the disc loses its "spongy" material, it appears a lot darker on the MRI. And this loss of sponge was giving me my aches as there was less support. Doc also pointed to how I had a diffuse disc bulge that could explain the hump on my lower back. The spinal discs are suppose to seat flush to the spine and not protrude on it, but well, mine was different. He didn't think it was of much concern though. The only hint of worry I detected was when he muttered that it was quite unusual for a girl my age to already have a degenerative disc.

So, I got myself a course of physiotherapy and an offer of some super strong painkillers, which I declined. I mean, there is pain, but it's really not that bad.... (Then again, it's a well known fact that we women are much better at bearing pain than men. I can so imagine a man groaning and writhing in pain. All my boyfriends laid in bed when they got their wisdom teeth pulled. I had to get my jaw chipped to remove my wisdom tooth that was embedded there while on local anesthetic and I still managed to go about my activities immediately after.) I also got myself an open appointment for the next two years. He packed me off with a "You're okay as long as the disc doesn't collapse and you get shooting pain going through your thighs". Seriously.... What does that mean? That I should be expecting a surgery within the next two years? Good grief. I guess I should be happy and thank my lucky stars that at this little moment I am all good to go and not think about what the future might bring. Hmm, the world could end tomorrow and this might never ever become an issue.

Some things are just better done face to face

I have just returned from a James Blunt concert. I don't think I've been this enthusiastic about anything for a long time. And when I say a long time, I mean a long time. I don't think I've leaped with such enthusiasm since 1997 when I first heard Coldplay play in London under a different name. They were my school band! Someone asked someone to ask people to go to this gig and well, I don't need to go into further detail how fantastic they are.

My love for James Blunt is a little different though.... I love Coldplay live and their records are simply sublime. Before this concert, I have listened to James Blunt records (both of them), and while I love his melodies, his harmonies and his chord progressions, I've found the songs and its performance kind of flat. There was no "it" factor. Tonight though, he took my breath away. He is a live performer. There is that rawness in his voice, and he uses less of his falsetto. He sings every bit of emotion, every feeling out of those songs. Before tonight, I hated "Goodbye My Lover". It grated on my nerves... But just sitting there, listening to him play on the piano without any accompaniment from his band... Listening to his voice catching and breaking over the words.... I had to discreetly wipe my tears away. And, those rock ballads that I liked, he did it even better. His interaction with the band, with the audience was awesome. He expanded on some songs, adding verses and instrumental passages befitting of a performance at a stadium. I rocked and swayed with my newly acquainted friends. Thank you MH for inviting me to join you and your music loving friends. It was truly enjoyable to be able to experience an inspiring performance with people who truly appreciate it.

I'm hesitant to listen to James Blunt's records for the moment. I don't want to take anything away from tonight. Some things are better done live. Some things are just better done face to face.

Why I say "I Love You"

From the events of Sept 11th, to an acquaintance being beaten to death outside a nightclub, I just can't help but feel that one never really knows when one's last breath would be. And, I would hope that my last words to my loved ones be a happy one, not one derived from anger and through fighting. Which is why when I fight with you, I like to resolve our differences. I do not like to hide away from it and ignore it in the hope that it will fade away. Angry words said at the heat of the moment are of unimportance, and with time they no longer hold any meaning. But, what happens if there isn't time? It will be my greatest regret if my true feelings are not expressed before it is too late.

That is why I try my best to say as often as I can these words of "I Love You".

Dearest family, dearest friends: I Love You.