I have no regrets, I have nothing to hide

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. Right from the tender age of five, when I played with a pair of similarly aged Japanese twins (who lived in my neighbourhood and I was incredibly enamoured with) and told them that I loved them, I was never shy about expressing my feelings.

As an adult, I rarely mince my words or stop myself from expressing my thoughts, opinions and most importantly, my feelings. Did I get into trouble? Of course. There were and are a great number of people who either dislike listening to the truth, or feel that it was and is inappropriate for me to voice out what I truly believe in and hold faith to. There were also moments when what I did didn't fall into the category of "successful". And, I admit, there was a time when I tried to censor what came out of my mouth and what I did for fear that it would be met with disapproval or criticism. But, that wasn't me. Trying to conform to what others wanted me to be was just an escape. I lost myself there for a while, and it made me miserable.

I met up with an old friend for lunch today. She made two very astute comments. One, that I was coming across as being rather assertive. And, the other, that I was returning to my artistic roots. She is right on both accounts. I am returning to my artistic roots. I have recently started cello lessons with a renown cello teacher because I am determined to go back to the musician in me. I guide at the museum and I am reading viciously in the hope that some ideas will stick. While I may have uncomplicated and clear-cut talents in finance, it is the art arena that truly attracts my soul. It satisfies and completes me. I now know better than to compromise. It doesn't matter if I do not go some where with my endeavors. What is important is that I try. This has been a loooong work in progress. A long period of figuring out what I am made of, of what indisputably and unquestionably makes me tick. And, that is the reason why I would not settle for anything less that what I want these days.

Have I made mistakes, taken paths that did not point to this epiphany? Yes! But I have no regrets and I have nothing to hide. All the twists and turns, the trials, the tests, the pain endured, the mistakes made.... It has made me who I am. Without all those episodes, my life would be colorless. I would not trade anything in the world for anything that I've lived through. Looking back, I am eternally grateful for all my life experiences. What I hope to do now is to live a life worthy of all that I've been privy to, and a life that I can share true love. A love that is all encompassing, without prejudice and unquestionably selfless.