Years don't necessarily mean anything

I confess. I have a thing for younger men. It wasn't always like that you know. As a teenager, I majorly crushed on older, matured men in impeccable suits. There was some thing about their leisurely gaits hinting of swagger that made me swoon. And, ooh, the self-assurance that bordered on arrogance? Double swoon. I was often secretly pleased whenever a business associate of my father's paid me attention at various cocktail parties I was forced to attend. It thrilled me then that men managing billion dollar businesses took the time to chat with awkward sixteen year old girls like myself.

It's all changed since my mid-twenties. I don't purposefully go about looking for younger men to hang out with, but some how I attract them and I'm similarly attracted to them? Perhaps it's my youthful demeanour. I'm still mistaken for being in my mid-twenties when I'm closer to mid-thirties. Or perhaps I'm just perennially young at heart, and young hearts seek young souls. What ever the reason, I find that I am inexplicably and inexorably unable to untangle myself from the web of spending time with young men.

I recently recounted to J all the men I've had great conversations with over the past five years. With the exception of one guy, every single one was minimally two years younger than me. I tried dating a few men whom I thought were older, only to discover mid-conversation that the milestone dates mentioned indicated they were younger! So what truly is drawing me to the youths of the day?

This evening, I was accompanied by a man eleven years my junior to a Rachael Yamagata concert. There was nothing awkward about it. We both love good music, and sultry voices. He is also some one I can talk to about almost any subject under the sun without embarrassment. Yet, I am aware that any association with him might be frowned upon by most people. But I don't care. The beauty about being in my mid-thirties is finally acknowledging who I truly am. I have never been more assertive, or uncompromising about what I want or enjoy ever. And, so if I relish hanging out with people who share similar interests and have an insatiable quest for life regardless of age, so be it. I don't give a fuck what others think.